The Semi-Retired Person’s Guide to Patience In or Near Monster Machines!!!!!

Just desserts

The plan is this: quick walk around the block between 4 and 5 p.m., then supper for both of us.

Here’s how it went:

1. Nice walk to the elevator. Pressed button. Dog sat beautifully. Door opened.

2. HUGE MOTORIZED WHEELCHAIR MONSTER SCOOTER THINGY WITH A BIG OLD GUY IN IT GOT OUT!!  

3. Dog* peed extensively, while trembling visibly, on cold, tiled floor.

(*names have been altered or changed to protect the innocent victims of MONSTER WHEELCHAIR SCOOTER THINGYS!)

4. Walk back to apartment with dog. Collect first available towel and spray bottle of ReSolve.

5. Walk back to elevator with dog. Ask dog to sit nicely. Spray floor. Wipe up spray and pee with fine towel, using right foot for most of the operation.

6. Walk back to apartment. Ask dog to sit nicely. Dump stinky towel and spray bottle in bathroom sink. Leave apartment.

7. Nice walk to the elevator. Press buttton. Utter every prayer an atheist can think of. Enter elevator with dog, even though THERE IS A MAN IN IT.

8. Skitter out of the elevator, through the lobby, out the door, and 

9. JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH! A MEDIUM MOTORIZED WHEELCHAIR MONSTER SCOOTER THINGY WITH A BIG OLD GUY IN IT IS COMING OUR WAY!!!

10. Veer.

11. Dog pees. (Nice to know he tried to hold it upstairs.)

12. Pleasant walk around block. Return to outside the front door where the man that was in the elevator is talking to THE FELLOW IN THE MEDIUM MOTORIZED WHEELCHAIR MONSTER SCOOTER THINGY.

13. Veer.

14. Wait for elevator, ‘way back away from the doors. Get home after letting the two guys go up without us.

Total time: 37 minutes.

Supper: I haven’t eaten yet. I have to concentrate on being calm, and patient.

I have to be happy he doesn’t have accidents everywhere, every day.

I don’t know what he sees. If it were a 100-kilo spider on wheels, I’d pee, too.

We live in a large building, with many seniors, many of whom have canes, walkers, and MOTORIZED WHEELCHAIR MONSTER SCOOTER THINGYS. They’re really nice people.

What’s your dog mortally afraid of?

About blawggblawgg

Middle-age crisis #1 averted with massive life change. Stars continue to wheel above. Onward! With joy.

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